my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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