I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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