For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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