I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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