I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
