i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
this is an emotional support booty call
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
