He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
