I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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