I'm sorry my penis didn't work
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
