if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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