I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
