take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
