I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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