Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
