I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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