So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
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