Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize
