My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
