I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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