Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
