i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize