i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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