he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
