The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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