I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
