like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
are you so shy because you have an std?
We named our party play list daddy issues
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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