Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
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