Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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