I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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