you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
