I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
