How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
