you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
