Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
