Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Every concussion has its silver lining
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
