a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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