What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
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I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
don't judge my taste in strippers
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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