this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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