Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize