oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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