he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
