sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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