i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
