she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
This is the prime rib incident all over again
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Randomize
