Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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