You kept calling me your small dog last night.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
