I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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