Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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