i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
it hurts more in the daytime
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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