So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Randomize
