Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
