Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same