dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
23 Concerns People Have When They’re About To Have Sex With Someone New
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night