yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.