dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Lets date for the summer
Dont love me in September.
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick