i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible