In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
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casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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