I just pynch a tree in the face
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.