talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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