are you so shy because you have an std?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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