I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
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