I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
