i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
