Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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