low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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