eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
