I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
