Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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