Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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