is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
