I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
