Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
