Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
