I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
