he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
i dont even know how to be here
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
