I should be sponsored by Trojan
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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