I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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