I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Sext me about skeletons
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
