Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
