yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Randomize
