I am in a vortex of obligation.
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Randomize
