Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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