i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
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