I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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