Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
