i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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