It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
