as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
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If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
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thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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