dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
