i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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