everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
