he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Randomize
