every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
