i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Randomize
