weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
